


i'm soy in love with you

by londonromance



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: 707 Route Spoilers, Angst, F/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, both let's go with both, just.........lots of it, pseudo date, seven gets deep in his feelings, spoilers about unknown, takes place on day 9 of his route, too much of it really, you can call it that or you can call it adorable
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 05:10:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8131639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/londonromance/pseuds/londonromance
Summary: heart, and the way seven has too much of it and doesn't know how to deal.mc and seven have a sushi date and he loses all semblance of pretending.





	

**Author's Note:**

> back at it again with the suffering!!!
> 
> also excuse the pun in the title i couldn't help myself lol
> 
> this takes place during day 9, around that cute phone call where seven gets you sushi and he's all flustered with how cute you are and you won't hang up on the phone with him even when y'all are in the same damn room. so cute!! tbh i didn't copy the actual phone call word for word so it's a lil different than what happens in the game
> 
> also can we just acknowledge that before i even reached day 9 i wrote a lil thing about mc "feeding" seven sushi through the cctv and then they had a sushi date?? because i made that a thing without knowing it would become a real thing and i feel accomplished lol anyway

Seven realizes with a panic that he hasn’t seen her in a while. When he was alone in his apartment, he never needed to take account of anything but himself, which was the way he liked it. It was easier to be by himself. He could hardly care for himself, much less another living creature.

Rika’s apartment was clinical. The colors felt so safe and unreal. He felt like he was living in an Ikea catalog. He was being driven insane by the weird architectural lines and aesthetically pleasing but strange designs. There was too much glass everywhere. It felt like he was on display. The fact that she lived here for more than a week perplexed him.

While he was working, Seven knew he could be absentminded. He rarely took breaks until hunger overcame the need to finish that last line of code. He only needed to account for himself, which meant he had stockpiled cases of Dr. Pepper and Honey Buddha chips in his kitchen.

His kitchen was pretty much an artifact, untouched. He knew how to cook a select number of things, things that only required boiling water and checking on it every so often, which meant rice and ramen were in his repertoire. He was just too busy to know how to make much else. When he was growing up, his mother left him and Saeran to fend for themselves, but Seven didn’t care what he ate so long as Saeran got enough. His mother never really went grocery shopping, just to the liquor store, so he had little to work with growing up, but he made sure Saeran got more than enough. Especially with him being as sick as he was, there was no way he would let Saeran skip meals even when that meant his own plate would be empty.

Which made the way she was avoiding the common areas of the house that much more grating on his nerves. How was she eating? Was she even leaving her room?

He hadn’t seen her in what felt like minutes but could’ve been a couple hours. When he was in deep in a program and the lines of code started to amount to close to something, he ignored everything in the world, including himself, until it got done. He remembered going on a twenty-four bender to chase this one lead and he could hardly find it in himself to make it to the couch much less his own bedroom to pass out, so Vanderwood had found him on the living room carpet, using his jacket as a pillow.

She had kicked him awake, threatening him with her taser the entire time 

He shoved his chair away from his desk and headed to the kitchen. He opened the fridge, only to not be greeted by the sight of endless rows of Dr. Pepper. He let his head fall onto the freezer door with a dull thud. He could live without it but it made work and avoiding her much easier.

He made it too clear how much he didn’t care about her, how much he didn’t want to be bothered. Every time she came around, he pretended not to notice her peering curiously at him while she settled herself into the couch. She usually brought her phone or a book with her and stayed as long as he did, sometimes falling asleep on the couch.

(He stopped himself from laying a blanket on her or carrying to her room, just roughly shoving her shoulder to tell her to go to her room. His heart couldn’t take her bedhead. _So cute_ …)

He made himself not wonder about what she was doing or how she was or anything about her. It didn’t help the way she still slipped through the cracks and settled into his heart. It was hopeless to feel this way but he had to get ahold of himself. It wasn’t right for him to drag her into his shit, especially when he was trying to get it together.

But he was unravelling – every time she brushed her bangs out of her eyes, every time her soft footsteps padded into the living room to eye him from the couch, asking if he had taken a break recently. He made a show of ripping his headphones off and telling her to ignore him and not care about him, but a small part of his heart warmed at the idea that someone cared even when he pushed them away.

That’s all he ever did, put up walls and the front of being too funny and cheerful to ever be bogged down by real life. No one could reach him and he didn’t like it but it was tolerable and the fact that keeping everyone at a distance kept him and everyone else safe was what he tried to focus on when three a.m. rolled around and, unbidden, his thoughts turned from 707’s carefree attitude to Saeyoung’s worries and fears.

But this food situation needed fixing. The fact that there wasn’t anything but water and a few takeout containers in the fridge concerned him. Was this really all she had ate this past week? He remembered seeing her come and go with take out every so often on the feed, but he didn’t know she was subsisting just on that. If he had known, before everything happened, he would’ve-

 _No_ , he corrected himself. He wouldn’t have done anything because she wasn’t his responsibility and he didn’t care if she was eating well at all.

He ran a hand through his hair and closed the fridge, deciding that he’d walk to the convenience store and pick up some kimbap at the very least. And if he got a few different kinds and two orders of each, it was because he was hungry enough to eat that much, not because he was going to leave any for her.

He went into the living room to tell her he was leaving and saw the throw blanket she used discarded aside – she was nowhere to be found 

He went through the rooms lining the apartment’s hallway until he reached her room. He stopped at the door, stopping himself from calling her name when he saw her sleeping on the bed.

Her long hair framed her face like a halo, the slight stress lines she had developed over the last couple of days (because of him, he knew) had vanished. She had her hands splayed near the edge of the bed and he was so enchanted by the peaceful image before him, he felt his heart stop and his breath caught in his throat.

He wasn’t allowed to show her these things while she was awake, but she still had this effect on him. It had tripled tenfold living with her. The little things she did, like leaving a glass of water near his monitor or a sharpie on the desk with a note (“ _Hope you don’t really use this, but if it helps you be more comfortable, draw the line~ I’ll have fun crossing it!_ ”) – it made his chest clench with something heavy and unfamiliar.

He didn’t like not being in control like this. He knew how to twist the variables in any program so that it would bend to his will, but his heart wasn’t listening and he didn’t know how to make it so it wouldn’t triple its beat when she walked into the room.

He let out a sigh and his grip on the doorknob grew that much tighter. He needed to let her go. It would be easier if he didn’t practically live with her, but he wasn’t willing to compromise her safety just because he couldn’t get his shit together. Once she was safe, once this was all over…he could start over and never see her again. He told himself that it didn’t matter if this wasn’t what he wanted, it was what needed to happen so he might as well get used to the emptiness. He had before and he could do it again.

Seven edged slowly back out of the room and closed the door just as softly. He paused and leaned against the door, catching his breath. He sighed and let the sadness overwhelm him.

_She had to have known he really did care, he just couldn't. It wasn’t like it wasn’t obvious before, she must know…right?_

He sucked in a breath and hardened his resolve. This line of thinking would get him nowhere. He headed down the hallway and out the door.

* * *

He returned an hour later and opened the door to the sight of her on the couch, a book in her hands. At the sound of the door, she had turned around and their eyes met. He fought the blush that he felt blooming on his cheeks. They stayed like this for what felt like forever, neither of them breaking their contact.

He ripped his eyes away and hid behind the hood of his jacket, clearing his throat and taking off his shoes. He didn’t notice the slightly disappointed look she shot him, turning back dejectedly to her book.

He avoided looking in her direction and went straight to the kitchen, dropping two bags onto the dining table. He pushed his hood off and took his headphones off, carefully taking the food containers out of the bags and placing them on the table.

He got rid of the bags and looked at the table. He honestly would’ve used his fingers and ate this while he chased lines of code on his computer, little soy sauce splatters decorating his computer table. But the table was too empty this way, with just the sushi. He grabbed plates and set a place for himself and before he could scold himself for doing so, put a plate directly across from him. He set about arranging the boxes less haphazardly and put a pair of disposable chopsticks next to each of their plates.

He wrung his hands together then shook his nerves out. He had no reason to even do any of this, he was being ridiculous.

He steeled himself, then went back into the living room. He cleared his throat and tried to not lose his nerve when her brown eyes met his once again.

“There’s food in the kitchen,” he said impassively and then he turned on his heel and went back into the kitchen.

He sat at the table, waiting for her to appear. He heard her footsteps and turned around to see her passing the kitchen, a quick glance in his direction and then nothing. She continued to the other end of the house.

He swallowed and sat at the table. After a few moments, he didn’t hear her come out and got impatient.

This was ridiculous, _she_ was ridiculous – though he knew her reaction wasn’t totally without reason. He had been acting so cold to her and he rationalized with himself that it was for a good reason, but of course she would respect this and only intervene in his life if she needed to.

He didn’t give her many opportunities to do so, but she seemed to always find an opening and carve herself into the spaces she left until all he could think about was her voice, her voice saying his name, affirming her interest in him, the way she made sure he was taking care of himself.

Even if he constantly berated her for bothering to acknowledge his existence, she kept doing so.

Even if he wasn’t allowing any of this from her to reach his heart, it did anyway.

He called her name a few times, but no answer.

His leg shook of its own volition and after a moment of debate, he took out his phone and dialed her number.

“You’re not going to eat? Why aren’t you answering me…?” he swallowed the fear of rejection and let his inner voice of reason be silenced. “Why won’t you eat if I leave you alone? Hurry up and come here.”

He heard a door open and her carefully approaching footsteps. She finally reached the entrance of the kitchen, but stopped there. He hated how small her voice sounded when she finally spoke to him, the way she seemed folded into herself, the way she was biting her lip so hard it looked like she was going to draw blood.

( _He did that, he broke her, just like everything else in his life. He can’t live with himself or other people, he isn’t fit for social interaction at all._ )

“Can’t I just be here and not over there?” she said.

He turned around to face her. He scoffed, despite the cringe he was swallowing down. “Stop joking around and come sit at the table.”

She seemed torn but eyed the table and he saw her face light up once she saw what they were having and saw her gaze go from his place setting to the second one he set for her, but she still didn’t make a move towards him, just stood in the entrance smiling at him for thinking of her.

He froze. “Why are you smiling at me?” When she didn’t respond, he went on. “And I’ve been wanting to tell you, stop staring at me.”

He kept saying he couldn’t control what she felt or did, but she could make it easier on him by not caring so much, not watching him so curiously while he was working, so that when he felt her gaze on him and he slowly turned around to meet her unapologetic gaze on him, the soft smile she gave him wouldn’t be on his mind for the rest of the day.

She held onto her smile as she moved a step closer, still on the phone with him. She tapped her finger on her cheek in mock thought and pretended to consider the food before him. “What are we having? I can’t join _anyone_ for just _any_ kind of food. It has to be delicious!”

He stopped himself just short of tearing his hair out. She was so difficult sometimes!

“Hang up and come… _god_ ,” he said, exasperated. For some reason he still hadn’t hung up on her. It reminded him of how he could match her face with her voice now. Combined, it was overwhelming how much more bright she managed to be in person, even when he caught a glimpse of her sunrays on the phone.

She finally went around him and took her seat at the table. Seven felt himself lose some of his nerve being in such close proximity to her. Because the apartment was so small, they were never really more than a few feet away from each other, but he still managed to put as much space as he could between them.

Having her just across from him like this…it was unnerving.

“You like sushi, right?” he said, looking at her surveying the food before her.

She nodded enthusiastically.

She probably didn’t think twice about it, but he replayed the way she held that piece of sushi up for him to taste at least twelve times of day, regardless of how much he tried not to.

“I ordered some because I thought you need some rice.” He cradled the phone in his shoulder and avoided her eyes as he peeled the wooden shavings off his chopsticks to have something to do with his hands. “I ordered both the house course and their special, so eat whatever you want.”

He forced himself to put the chopsticks down and get up from his seat, heading back to his corner. Now that he knew she was going to eat, he was content.

She looked confused. “Where are you going?  


He stopped and turned to face her. “I have to work to do,” he said shortly before turning around.

She pouted playfully and rested her cheek in her hand. “I won’t eat if you don’t,” she said simply.

Briefly, his fingernails dug into the palm of his hands, torn. He didn’t turn around, knowing his resolve would break immediately if he did. Some part of his brain told him he was being illogical. It would make sense if they both ate at the same time so he wouldn’t have to interrupt his work to eat later. Also he knew if he refused, she wouldn’t push him so even though he knew he could escape easily, he conceded.

“…Fine. I’ll eat with you then.” He moved back towards his seat. He grumbled as he switched hands holding his phone. “So this is how hard it is to eat…”

Being a normal functioning human being was so exhausting. Feelings were exhausting. Everything was just… _exhausting_ (especially when you suppressed this much).

She still hadn’t hung up, just gave him a small smile as he reluctantly took his seat across from her. She said nothing to prompt him but he met her gaze regardless. They stayed that way for some time before he realized how far and close their phones made them seem.

“Now hang up the phone and let’s eat. Come on.”

She softly but resolutely held his gaze and didn’t move.

He really did throw his arms up in exasperation this time. “Oh god! I said hang up the phone. Is it fun to tease me? I’m busy. Hurry up.”

She laughed and hung up. He felt so flustered and exasperated and just…overwhelmed. She was the only one who made him feel this much all at once.

He snapped his chopsticks apart quickly and rubbed them together before moving pieces of sushi to his plate.

He tried not to notice the way she hesitantly grabbed her own chopsticks and slowly rolled them together in her hands. She paused and fiddled with them before grabbing a small portion of sushi herself.

Her pace seemed glacial compared to the way he shoved his own sushi in his mouth, not caring if he even paused to savor the taste of what was the first real food he had in a couple days.  He had to get back to his blueprints and coordinates and Saeran.

He noticed how colorful her plate was compared to his. She had taken a piece of each kind of sushi, humming in contentment as she tried them all. Even when her face twisted up in displeasure, she didn’t move to spit it out or anything. She seemed to like being in pain, like she was content knowing she had at least tried something new, even if it didn’t work out.

He scoffed in his head. That would explain why she liked him so much, despite how cold he was to her.

Once he finished his portion, he figured now would be an appropriate time to escape. But there was a lot of sushi left…and no matter how much he was supposed to push her away, he didn’t want to be rude and leave her during a meal.

He noticed that most of the wasabi in one of the containers was gone and his jaw dropped.

“Was that all you?” he said in astonishment before he could stop himself, pointing at the nearly empty container.

“Hmm? Oh, yes…I like spicy stuff. I guess I didn’t realize how much I actually used…”

His mouth was still open until he realized how silly he must’ve looked and closed it. He cleared his throat and grabbed another piece. “I can’t even handle a little bit of that stuff. It’s the work of the devil.”

“Really?” she seemed to consider this curious.

“Yeah.”

“I mean, if God Seven says it’s the work of the devil, he should know that kind of stuff firsthand, yeah?” she smiled. “Does that mean soy sauce is the condiment preferred by gods? You would know, right?”

Seven allowed himself to give a little laugh. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.”

He seemed to catch himself and shoved a piece of sushi in his mouth before he could say more. They fell back into silence, the slight rustle of plastic and chopsticks colliding the only sounds between them. Though he hadn’t really touched the rolls with any sort of spicy stuff in them, he made sure to leave them for her now. He didn’t really like spicy stuff anyway.

He heard her laugh softly, looked up to see her hiding herself behind her hand, eyes lit with humor. He let the sound wash over him before realizing how dumb he must’ve looked, staring at her like this.

“What? What is it?”

“You just have a little something on your cheek. Right here,” she pointed to her own corresponding cheek.

He swiped haphazardly at his cheek, but her laugh still followed.

“No, more to your left… Ah, nevermind, here,” She made her way around the table and got so close, too close, much too close to him before he felt the lightest touch of her thumb swiping across his cheek. He held his breath, his cheeks heating up from her touch. He hoped she hadn’t noticed, but he just saw a serene smile on her face.

“There!” she said, happily. "Just soy sauce." She went back to her seat without another word.

His heart was still playing catch up as his breath finally returned to him, just a shade heavier than before.

“I-I have work to do. Don’t bother me,” he said quickly before exiting the room as fast as he could, his heart in his throat.

He retreated to his corner, turned his computer on and sat there without moving. He put his head in his hands and breathed slowly, in and out.

He was such an _idiot_.

He took one last deep breath and exhaled, resolving to get over this right now. He put his headphones on and shut out the world – a world that did him no favors, never in his whole life.

But, never in his whole life, would he have ever wished, ever hoped for someone like her…someone who got to him so easily, understood him so well, fell into his 707 routine without missing a beat, but also kept him grounded when he felt like he was flying too high, doing too much, not being himself not being Seven or Saeyoung or Luciel…just an empty vessel.

It was foolish to hope. It was more foolish for him to ignore the hope he had been granted when it was _right there_ in front of him.

But this was what had to be done, he sighed. No matter how much he hated himself and hated himself for doing this to her, he knew it would be better in the end, for her.

He tracked Saeran and Mint Eye for a while while he heard her finish her meal and shuffle around the kitchen, cleaning up.

Later, she came back into the living room to retrieve her book, holding a can of Dr. Pepper and placed it on his desk.

Annoyed, he already turned to her, prepared to tell her to not bother. “I told you-“

“Yes, yes, ‘ _ignore me_ ,’ ‘ _don’t pay attention to me_ ,’ ‘ _I’m not even here_.’” She waved her hand absentmindedly, but not unkindly. “Wanna try a new one today?”

His mouth fell open.

“Anyway, enjoy this, please. Sorry you have to be here for me, but I just wanted to say thank you for everything you’ve done, and also for the sushi. And…” she fidgeted with the book in her hands. “I know I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through, but I’m here for you, if you ever need anyone.”

He turned back to his screen and slipped his headphones back on. “It’s just for your safety, I’m not here for anything else. Don’t worry about me.”

She smiled sadly. “Yes, but I will anyway, no matter how many times you say that.”

He held his breath and closed his eyes, resolutely staring at his screen, waiting for her to leave so he could regain his sanity.

“I hope your work goes smoothly, Seven. Please don’t work too hard and take breaks when you need them. Good night.” With that, she turned to walk to her room.

He paused before continuing his typing, knowing he should respond, knowing he could say anything right now and she’d take it all and never complain. He could never figure it out, but he wondered still why was she so willing to take him as he was, all sides of him, even the sides he didn’t know still existed – the parts of him still open to hope and love and took the world before them as an adventure, one he wanted to share with the people he loved and cared about.

“You know,” he heard her say softly. She must’ve thought he went back to work and wasn’t listening to her anymore. He kept typing to keep up the pretense, but listened carefully. “You’re really dear to me, Seven. I know you have secrets and I know you don’t want to let anybody in your life because you’re scared.” She let out a derisive sort of laugh. “I’m scared too. But no matter what happens, I’ll be here for you, however you need me. I like you that much. I hope you realize that.”

She continued to walk to her room after that. He waited until he heard the door close before exhaling.

He yanked his headphones off and leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling. It was white. He remembered V telling him white was not the absence of color, but the exploration of. That there were endless possibilities held in such an expanse and while it was okay, even natural, to be terrified of it, it was also an opportunity for _more_.

She wore a lot of white.

(He didn’t even try to lie to himself this time.)

He would pray tonight for courage, to be able to protect her. He would do everything he could do to carry this out, make sure she never came into harm’s way. He would ask for the strength to walk away, knowing it’d be hard, knowing how much he would want to stay in the RFA members’ lives (and her life).

Starting over was hard. Forgetting was harder.

Mostly, he asked to ensure her happiness, no matter if she believed he would be a part of that or not.

(Some part of him during this would say, in secret, that he hoped he would be a part of her happiness too.)


End file.
